My family started studying in 1969. I remember the book studies being conducted in a mobile home (Babylon the Great Has Fallen, followed by Then is Finished the Mystery of God.) My dad was a smoker and a police officer. He had to give up both, and that was his undoing. Being a K-9 officer was tbe best thing he ever did. Mom thoroughly opposed anyone coming into her home and telling her what to do. Smart woman! Dad eventually caved to her hatred for all things JW, but believed it to be the truth until his death in 1992. I was the only one to become a JW out of five kids. I chose a cult over crazy and dysfunctional. They do target the vulnerable!
Sail Away
JoinedPosts by Sail Away
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82
Do you remember the 15 minute break at the Sun. meeting?
by 3rdgen ina poster on another thread reminded me of when there was a 15 min.
break between the talk and the wt study on sundays.
the break was supposed to be to allow jw's time to drive their bible studys home from the talk.
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Complex PTSD and Ex JW's
by JRK ini have been diagnosed with complex ptsd by my therapist due to events of abandonment and abuse as a child.
the cult experience of being raised as one of jehovah's witness was a major factor.
i think that the sparlock video and the conti case has brought emotional flashbacks to some of us here, so i wanted to post information that i have found helpful.
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Sail Away
Thanks for posting the Facebook link and for BTT, Watchtower-Free!
My previous therapist told me she would have diagnosed me as having C-PTSD if it had made it into the DSM-5. I'm currently seeing a Buddhist psychologist, practicing Insight Meditation, studying tai chi and qigong and taking a MBSR course. Somatic healing therapies are key.
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Jehovanomics RULE #2: Bequest Of Property.
by Jehovanomics incashing in on death.
death is payday for the jehovah witnesses.
it's what they celebrate.
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Sail Away
My in-laws have millions in assets. My husband helped build those properties as he grew up and was written out of their will decades ago when he left the organization. The WBT$ takes all. They say they "don't want or need anything" from us. "Everything is all set. Communication would be nice, but is not necessary." so they say. I have no intention of speaking to them ever again. They shun their son and our children and have questioned whether I go to meetings. They don't deserve an answer to that question. My husband doubts he will even be informed of their deaths. So be it.
Welcome Jehovanomics!
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When did you start getting ANGRY?
by Separation of Powers inwhen i started the fade....i recognize that i was upset, mainly because of the desillusionment.
but, over the course of the past several months, i am noticing an increasing anger toward all thing org.
it can only be described as indignation, not simply upset.
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Sail Away
I started getting angry when I began to realize that the elders were wolves in sheep's clothing. They were there to enforce the rules, not shepherd the flock. I challenged them with regard to treatment of my husband and my DF'd daughter-in-law on more than one occaision, and they backed down, changed tactics and even apologized.
I really got angry about a year after I walked away. My son finally confided in me that he had tried to go back and get reinstated about a year after he was DF'd. The elder that had portrayed himself as a big brother to my son who was a "fatherless boy" (read had a known apostate for a father) was a total hypocrite. My son went to this elder when he was terrifed and feeling unsafe (for good reason) and felt a need to return to the congregation in order to feel safe. The elder swore at my son in the most vile terms, because he felt my son had made him look bad. He showed his true colors, all the while lying to me that there was no problem between the two of us when he was clearly avoiding me. He was feeling guilty. I hope that one day I can have an honest face-to-face discussion with this hypocrite who further endangered my son's life. I would like to thank him for making sure that my son will never return to the cult.
In the meantime, this man has been taken down a peg. He was the project overseer (not sure what the exact title was) for many quick builds, re-builds and renovations through the Regional Building Committee-- not so much anymore. Also, he prided himself in giving the hard doctrinal public talks, one of them based on the Trinity brochure. Ha.
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Question for "apostate" couples.
by 3rdgen inhi everyone!
today i was reminded that just because both of us left the wtbt$ we are not always on the same page.. .
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Sail Away
Simon: "It did cause arguments for us when we were first leaving - I think the chances of both people being on exactly the same page at precisely the same time is remote so it's probably inevitable that there will be disagreements and of course the WTS doctrines kind of promote this.
Fortunately we made it through and we both feel the same way about things now (or close enough that differences don't matter). Neither of us have a great deal of direct interest in JWism anymore although we're both still impacted due to family.
The main things is to keep talking and reasoning, not arguing."
Thanks for this perspective.
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I Was Asked To Perform A Marriage Ceremony But Don't Know I'm Qualified
by minimus inmy girlfriend's daughter and her fiancee asked me to marry them last night.
they live in connecticut and will be married in new york.
i felt honored that i was asked but i don't think i can do it because i am not a clergyman or minister and my u derstanding is that only clergy or judges and lawyers and justice of the peace can perform a wedding ceremony and marry a couple.. does anyone have any information on this subject?
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Sail Away
Minimus, a marriage license needs to be for the city in which it is performed. The minister or JP always says something to the effect, "By the power vested me by the State of ____, I now pronouce you man and wife (or husband and wife)." You would need to be qualifed in NY if that is where the wedding ceremony will be held.
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Question for "apostate" couples.
by 3rdgen inhi everyone!
today i was reminded that just because both of us left the wtbt$ we are not always on the same page.. .
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Sail Away
3rdgen, thanks for this thread. I hope you don't mind if I vent.
I have changed a lot since I left the organization over three years ago. My husband left over thirty years ago and went about living his life, but was not mentally free for all those years. He became a work-a-holic while I raised our children in The Lie. I started challenging him on his indoctrination about a year after I left. He now posts regularly on the ex-JW sub Reddit. I post regularly on the YUKU forum. We often share what we read and post. We don’t often fight over ex-JW issues, but do have heated discussions.
My husband and I went to marriage counseling for several months until I pulled the plug. The counselor agreed that we were getting absolutely nowhere. My husband grew up with the WTB$ vilifying therapists and psychiatrists. He doesn’t value the process. I had to educate our therapist about JW doctrine. He was shocked by this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Wqzc2M8_MBA
I want an equal say in my marriage; I want transparency in communication and I want emotional intimacy. Early on in the process the therapist was able to identify that these things are missing in our marriage. The therapist gently and repeatedly cautioned my husband to be careful, that he was in jeopardy of losing his marriage unless he is willing to change.
The therapist told my husband that I am growing; I am becoming empowered. I am no longer depressed and in the role of the identified patient. We have discussed joint decision making and a more “democratic” marriage with little movement in that arena. I still struggle with knowing that my say is of value and carries equal weight. I second guess myself, my thoughts and feelings and my goals. My husband still believes someone in the family has to make the final decisions, and that is his role. He is strongly opinionated, and I have to fight to be heard. It is exhausting and at times demeaning.
The therapist stated that we have “strong ideological issues”, and that is true. The “theocratic warfare” mindset sickens me. My husband is willing to bend the truth and withhold information if it suits his purpose. I am of the opinion that the members of the GB know it is all a lie. My husband believes that they are lifers who have worked their way up the ladder as true believers. My husband accepts that he was unable to go to college. He likely would have pursued a career in science, but instead became a self-taught computer consultant. I am angry that I turned down a full college scholarship to ”full-time pioneer where the need was great” and that uninformed choice now limits what I can do with my life. College is no longer affordable to be as my husband is very near to retirement. My husband is thankful that he was a full-time pioneer and was exempted from going to Vietnam. Terry’s imprisonment and his treatment there makes me weep. I have no words for that. My husband went to Bethel, but was pretty much an outsider who did his own thing. He didn't last long (2 1/2 years) and didn't see anything there that troubled him. The fact that my in-laws shun my husband and children and yet they forgive a pedophile because “Jehovah forgives him” infuriates me. My husband makes excuses for them. I hold our local elders accountable for the way they handled things after our son’s suicide attempt. My husband’s exit was purely due to doctrinal matters. Mine was both doctrinal and highly personal. There is so much more.
The therapist asked my husband if he was willing to be vulnerable with me, to let me in and talk about his feelings with me. His answer—“No. I am not a woman. Feelings change all the time. I’m not going to talk about every little thing that bothers me. If something big comes up, I’ll let her know before I make any decisions.” All right then. At times we are both angry and confused. Neither one of us is really happy. I have hit the wall. Starting over at 56 years of age is terrifying. Living this slow death for the rest of the time I have on this planet is equally terrifying. That being said, we have stayed together this long, and I don’t want the filthy cult to win. I've read of other ex-JW marriages that have failed. I often wonder why and if they were struggling with similar issues.
Our adult children are both of the opinion that our JW life is in the past. They don’t want to talk about it and think we should move on with our lives. I am happy that they got out as young adults and have been able to build happy and productive lives for themselves, but I don’t think they understand the impact of a lifetime of indoctrination.
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New development in my life
by EdenOne inno longer a ms ........................... can't give details atm, for it might be a dead-giveaway and it ain't quite over yet.
but, it really taught me one thing: if you're trying to fade or stay in, trust no one.
and i mean no one.. eden.
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Sail Away
(((EdenOne))), What a beautiful poem! Stay strong! You have your family with you-- that's all that matters! Do you really need to attend the JC? Why put yourself through that?
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Why I Refuse to Accept the term APOSTATE
by Black Man inbeen going back in forth with my mom (who is a longtime pioneer and dyed-in-the-wool jw) about the term apostate.
she has labeled me one because of my fading and because i stopped attending meetings a few years ago.
i told her that i refuse to accept the term apostate because its a lazy way for the wts to not deal with dissenters and address why people are leaving this organization in droves.
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Sail Away
I was baptized in 1976, so I was not baptized "in association with God's spirit-directed organization" as Jehovah's Witnesses are today. My decision as a child (I was sixteen at the time and not legally old enough to enter into a lifelong contract.) had nothing to do with the "governing body", now self-proclaimed "faithful and discreet slave class" who are making up the rules as they go along today.
I agree with Phizzy; the religion that I chose as a child no longer exists. I also agree with DATA-DOG, I owe nothing to the men who lied to me and made up this religion and its crazy doctrines. If the members of a bogus religon turned cult want to call me an apostate, they are free to do so. To my way of thinking it's no different than an inmate in an insane asylum calling names. It means absolutely nothing.
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The Resurrection Hope - Does It Help or Slow Down Grieving?
by usualusername ini think the resurrection hope really really messes up people.. .
at some funerals i have not seen a tear shed.. .
could grieving be interpreted as a lack of faith?.
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Sail Away
For me the resurrection hope kept me from greiving in a healthy way. I didn't realize that I hadn't greived the loss of my 22-year-old DIL to cancer until spring of the year following my exit from the organization. G celebrated spring with the arrival of the street sweepers each year. She also died in the spring. It all hit me so hard that first year out. My therapist had me write a letter to her to say all the things I didn't get to say. This year I planted a flowering tree in G's memory and buried the letter with the roots of the tree. It gets a little easier, and the fond memories surface more often than the sad ones now.
It is now six years after her early death, and I just spent the day with her sorta JW mom. G's mom has been phyically out for at least 10 years now, but she is still fully indoctrinated and guilt ridden. On one hand, I would not want to rob her of the hope that her daughter will one day live again, but on the other hand, the mom doesn't believe she is worthy of living in the "new system" herself. G's dad just died young (54), only 6 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The woman is thoroughly messed up.